Christmas/ New Years Resolutions post.

Christmas 2011 was wonderful.! It seems like everyone got at least one thing they asked for. I got a kindle touch, a new designer bag, clothes, boots, bath and body works, and my favorite perfume. Along with a couple gift cards. Cayle got so much stuff.! He got a toddler couch, books, trucks, a caillou movie, a potty, Mr. potato head, bath toys, clothes, and more.! Dad got some brandy that's aged 30 years, a food chopper, socks, and a video game he likes to play. Mom got an emerald ring, a new wedding band set, candles, a photo album full of pictures of cayle, and bath and body works. My brother got a new phone and some football stuff. Granna got a snuggie, a photo album of pictures, a new garbage can, a full size mirror, and a new heater for her apartment. My brother, Cayle, and I went earlier in the month to get a portrait done of the 3 of us for mom and dad's christmas present. We saved it until the very last gift and we let them open it together...it made daddy cry. They loved it. That right there made Christmas perfect.

Cayle was slightly overwhelmed. It took him half a day to open all his gifts. He would find something he liked and played with it and not want to open anything else. But he was loving it all. He loved his little toddler couch. It folds out so he can lay on it. I think that was his favorite gift. He loves to lay in his bedroom floor and watch a movie so the couch is perfect.! For Christmas breakfast, we had waffles, eggs and bacon. For the rest of the day we watched 'A Christmas Story' marathon and enjoyed our gifts. Here are some pictures of Christmas morning.























As far as New Year's Resolutions, I have a couple. They're somewhat similar to everyone else's.

First, I want to make more time for Cayle. We are together a lot of the time, but I think we need more exciting things to do together so it's not the same old stuff, so it's not really making more time for him, it's making our time more exciting.

Second, I want to take better care of MYSELF. I am going to start losing weight and dressing nicer. I have kept to my word about dressing up more, but I want to completely ditch wearing jeans. I mean, if I wear jeans I want it to be like 3 times a month if that. I want to wear more dresses. I have multiple pairs of leggings and I LOVE them. They're more comfortable than jeans. And not only dressing nice, I want to take care of myself inside too. I want to love myself. And I think with my outward appearance improvements loving myself will come naturally. A happy mommy is a good mommy and it's taken a long time for me to realize it's okay to take care of my needs too.

Third, I want to get into a salon this year and get my life started. I know what I want and 3 months of school left..I'm gonna achieve my goals. I don't let anyone tell me I can't. And I enjoy meeting my goals.


My annual Gatlinburg trip is in 3 weeks.!!!! I can't wait. I am so so so excited.!!

I am officially on Christmas break from school.!

And boy, does it feel good.! Hellooooo late nights filled with Glee. Yes, I am a major major GLEEK. Hahah. I did my first relaxer Wednesday night. A relaxer is where you put a chemical on super curly hair to make it straight. And if you're not careful the chemical will burn the skin. I was SO nervous, but it turned out really good. This client used to absolutely hate me, but now she requests me.! How crazy is that.?!

I am so ready for Christmas. I want to see Cayle's face.!! I'm so excited. And I'm pretty curious to see what I got as well. ;)

Cayle is really starting to understand the whole concept of Santa too.! He gets so excited when he looks at his Santa picture.

I made candy cane fudge. It was so simple. I found the recipe on allrecipes.com. It was a hit.! I took it to my school's christmas party.

Bring on Christmas.!

Mommy & Cayle's train adventure.!

WOW.!! What a fantastic day.!! Cayle and I went with my cousin, her husband, and her children to the Christmas train ride at her husbands work place. He works with the railroad and they only do this every year for the families. And all of it's free.! When we got there, we boarded the train. I was kind of nervous. Trains freak me out a bit when they go over bridges. I hate crossing bridges. But I couldn't be more proud of Cayle he did such a good job.!! He sat in his seat for the most part and looked out the window. And he would say things like 'WOW' or 'Whoa.! Water.!!' The train went to another boarding station, but they had it set up to look like Santa's workshop. There were reindeer and lights and everything.! It was really cool to ride on a train. I enjoyed it a lot. When we got back we went upstairs and they had a HUGE train track toy set and free pictures with Santa.!! Cayle got his picture made and a goody bag that had candy, a train whistle, and an activity pad with crayons.! Downstairs they had all sorts of snacks like gingerbread cookies, little debbie snack cakes, candy, and juice boxes for kids. Sodas for the adults. Again all free.! Cayle got some animal cookies and a juice box. After we left, we decided to eat at taco bell. It was nice. I never get to spend much time with my cousins with how busy I am, but they invited us to come back every year.! I definitely want to go again. My cousin even offered to keep Cayle for me once I get out of school. She's a stay at home mom and that's how she makes her extra money is baby sitting. When she offered to do so, I couldn't tell you what a load that was off of my shoulders. She even has a toddler bed she offered to sell me when her daughters get bunk beds. She has 4 kids. 3 girls and 1 boy. They're great kids. Very polite. Cayle likes to play with her youngest daughter. They're about 2 years apart. Today was definitely the start of a nice family tradition. :)

Friday, Cayle and I did our usual thing. We get dinner together and go roam around some. We decided to go to tokyo express for dinner. Cayle got rice and I got chicken and shrimp. Afterwards, we went to the mall and got our very first family ornament made. And Cayle got his own. I got a few little stocking stuffers too. I have to get my brother's gift next week. And hopefully I'll be finished. Unless I see something I want to get little man. All in all, it's been a very good weekend. I'm very happy. I took some pictures of our trip today and our ornaments :)


Our family ornaments. :)







LOVE this one.!









on the train.


the 'north pole'




HUGE train track Cayle loved.

Cayle's trip to the aquarium.!

Wednesday, Cayle and I went to the aquarium with my mom's old co-worker, Laura, and her 18 month old son, Carter. Over the years Laura and I have gotten to be pretty good friends. We both are into a lot of the same things and we always have good conversations. And even though she's older than I am, she doesn't seem to mind. I guess that has a little bit to do with the fact I'm mature for my age. But anyways..We had a lot of fun. Cayle really enjoyed seeing all of the animals. He was even brave enough to touch a turtle and sting ray.! I touched them too. Which is weird because I'm not exactly fearless about that kind of thing, but I can mark touching a ray off of my bucket list.! It was slimy. But I loved doing it. It was fun to go on a week day. Nobody was there.! So we got to let the boys out of their strollers and run around the aquarium and look at the tanks. They have a new exhibit coming in May. Can't wait to see it.! Giants of the deep is what it's called. Tonight Cayle and I are going to do our usual mother & son night. We'll grab dinner somewhere and get our Christmas ornaments made. And tomorrow, we are going to ride on the Christmas train.! I'll post pictures of everything. Here are a few pictures of the boys at the aquarium.

Feeling a little overwhelmed.

I really need to get all of this off of my chest..and this is the only way I know how. So fair warning..this is a 'me complaining' blog.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how close I am to being a college graduate and how it's almost time to get into the 'real' world. And as excited as I am to be my own family with Cayle..I'm scared as to how difficult being a single mom will actually be. I will have zero help when I leave home. No help cleaning. No help cooking. No help watching Cayle. No help with money. And that scares me. I can handle everything else but having only one income and not knowing what to do with Cayle while I work scares me more than anything. I'm scared I won't be able to afford daycare or that I won't be able to find anyone who can keep him during the day for me. I'm frustrated that it'll take another couple years to get and pay off a car. I think I've finally decided on a KIA due to the fact their payments and approvals are so flexible. And I know Daddy wants me to get an American made car, but what if I can't afford their payments.?? What if I like the KIA and the KIA payments work better with my budget. I was looking for apartments today just to get an idea on where I could afford to live. And what I liked. I found a 2 bedroom apartment that I liked for 520 a month, and if I wanted a dog it would be an extra 10 dollars a month. Only problem...it's less than 5 minutes from Adam's apartment. I've proven to myself I can face him and be fine, but living that close to him scares me. He really hurt me emotionally. The names he called me and the things he did to me..and how the entire relationship just drained me is still something I am trying to get over..which..I guess I do okay for the most part but names stick harder than anything he called me things like...fat wh*re, c*nt, fat a**, fatty, b*tch, a horrible parent. He told me he hated me on several occasions, he told me I was lazy, he told me I was a bad mom because I didn't have a real job, he told me I wouldn't make it, he told me he was just waiting for our relationship to fail. He posted VIA Facebook a huge lie about me sleeping with 5 different guys..which I never did. So therefore I had no other choice but leave facebook. And I'm too scared to make a new one. It still hurts me. But I try to be strong and keep going every day. I want more than anything to better myself to the point of where it's a smack in the face to him. I want to look good, feel good, have better than him just so I can say 'look at me now and look what I did without you'. I hate him. And I try not to hate. But there are 2 people in this world I cannot stand. They're vile enough to make a nun swear. But it's just frustrating. I found an apartment I liked a little further away but its 645 a month. And I don't know if I could afford that and live comfortably. Not only would I have rent but I would also have to think about utilities, health insurance, car insurance, groceries, gas, holidays, birthdays, other needs..all on one income.??? Is that even possible.? I don't even know anymore. I'm waiting until I get my new paid off or close to paid off before I even think about moving out. I just wish I had a better plan. The only plan I have is to save up at least 3 months worth of rent before I move so I will have that sense of security if I ever get in a bind. So that means putting back about...1560 before I move. While trying to get house supplies. I just don't want to end up like my sister. My sister is married with 3 kids. She hasn't worked in 13+ years and depends on my 82 year old grandmother to pay the bills and uses her cars. My grandmother does not work. She gets a retirement check in the mail. And some nights she sits and home all by herself and eats CRACKERS for dinner because my sister uses all her money.!! And I'm sorry but that pisses me off.!! Because my sister just acts oblivious to the fact that she uses all of my grandmother's money. And I will be damned if I ever put my child in a situation where I can't pay our bills or provide for him. I'll work my fingers to the bone before that happens. It's a whole different story when you're the only parent. It's like your mom and dad. Which I don't mind. Because I love being able to do whatever I want with Cayle. I like being able to spend all the time I can with him and us being able to do our own family thing. I ENJOY being a single mom. I like being able for it to be just us..it's kind of...comforting I suppose. But the future scares me...I really don't know if I'm just making it out to be harder than it actually is..or if I'm getting smacked in the face by this so called real world. I don't know.

I'll tell you one thing though..2012 is going to be all about bettering myself..not only for me..but for Cayle. I'm going to try to lose weight. I want to feel comfortable when summer rolls around and it's time for shorts. I just wanna FEEL pretty. And I don't. I feel like the 19 year old who let herself go after having a baby. I'm getting to be more girly. I mean..I actually do my hair and make up every day now. Whether I want to or not. And I have a dress I like. But..it's not enough for me. I want to lose weight. I want to grow my hair back out. I want to wear more dresses than I do jeans. And it doesn't seem like a hard goal. Biotin makes your hair and nails grow. I can treat myself to a manicure every once in a while. Or a new outfit. I want to use crest white strips to brighten my smile. I just want to make myself over completely. I have a free membership to the YMCA and I intend to use it. I can put cayle in the children's area for a while so I can work out if need be. I'll be getting paid still so I can afford a new dress every once in a while if I want one. As long as Cayle is taken care of first, I intend to take care of myself too. A happy mommy is a good mommy. So here goes my journey to better myself. When the holidays are all over the true journey begins. I'm nervous..

Chrismas Parade and Rock City.! (lots of pictures)

Wow.! Today couldn't have gone any better.! Today, Cayle and I went to the Christmas parade here in town. I was a little nervous that the loud music and stuff might scare him, but he surprised me. He waved to everyone and loved getting the candy. Some people on the floats didn't throw Cayle any candy, but the threw it to the people next to us. I don't know if they thought he couldn't have candy or what but for some reason it annoyed me. But we got plenty of goodies anyway. :) He was so tired by the time we got back to the car. He fell asleep on the car ride home. But it was fun to see him so excited about the parade, and it makes me feel comfortable bringing him back next year. While Cayle was napping, Daddy and Garrett put up Christmas lights on the house. It looks great.! I'll have to snap a picture soon. When Cayle woke up, I made him dinner and started getting ready for Rock City. We met my friend Katherine in Saint Elmo. She was coming with us. She's expecting a baby in May. She thinks it's a girl. She was taking everything in when it came to Cayle. It was sweet. The drive to up the mountain kinda made me nervous. I'm not good with driving up mountains, but I managed to do it.! The line was extremely long. But luckily we were paying with a card so we got to go through the shorter line. Cayle was absolutely mesmerized.!! He kept saying 'WHOA' and 'Wow pretty.!!'. He loved being able to walk the trail. He even got his very first picture with Santa Clause.!! I couldn't be more thrilled with how well tonight went. When we got home, Cayle was ready for bed. So my brother and I decorated the Christmas tree. It turned out great. I already put the presents underneath it. There are a few I'm going to leave unwrapped to make those from 'Santa'. This is going to be a great month. Wednesday, Cayle and I are going to the aquarium with my mom's friend Laura and her 18 month old son, Carter. Laura is a member and invited us to come as her guests. Next weekend Cayle and I are going on a Christmas train ride with my cousin, her husband, and kids. I can't wait. Cayle is going to love it.! We are also getting our very first mother an son family ornament made. I've never had the money to get one made so this is going to be good for us. Cayle will also have his own made. I also get him a regular ornament every year so he will have them when he needs them. So the holiday festivities have begun. I can't wait for Christmas.!
























































Cayle's first picture with Santa.!



Our tree.!

Scrapbooking got me thinking AGAIN. Lol.

Today Cayle and I did some hand prints. We did reindeer hand prints. Cayle really enjoys painting. And I'm hoping to find a color wonder paint set somewhere. I know this is very off topic, but Cayle had his two year check up on Monday. He's 37 and a half inches tall and 32 lbs. Just wanted to give an update on that. But anyways, every Friday night Cayle and I go do something together. It's nice for us to spend some time together at the end of every week. We went to Walmart (as always) and got him a new toboggan for the winter weather. He'll definitely need it. It's starting to get cooler. I'm so excited.! I filled up my car. It's amazing how much I save on gas now. Twenty-three dollars topped off my tank.! After we filled up the car, we decided to go get dinner. We always get dinner on Friday, whether it be fast food or sit down somewhere and eat, I always take him to dinner. We ate at this place called Hibachi express. It was okay, but I don't think I'll go back. Cayle didn't eat much, and I would've much rather gone to Little Tokyo but, that was all the way across town. But now I know where to go if I want Hibachi food. So no worries I suppose. After dinner, Cayle and I made one last stop to Michael's craft store. I needed some scrapbook supplies, and they were having a GREAT sale. I got 4 pieces of card stock and 3 sets of dimensional stickers for 9 dollars. Normally those things are 5 bucks a piece.! So it was a good deal. But as I walked through looking at all the set they had I saw their travel collection and it got me to thinking about family vacations for me and Cayle. My parents work very hard to give me and my siblings a vacation every year, and I want to do the same for Cayle. But every year they tend to follow a pattern mountains in the winter beach in the summer. And I was thinking for my vacations with Cayle we could shake it up a bit. Michael's craft store had sticker collections for all sorts of places like Chicago, Washington DC, San Francisco, Florida, Disney world, Italy, Ireland, New York, and more.! And to be honest, there are a couple of these places I wouldn't mind visiting. And I would love for Cayle to see them too. For our very first vacation mother & son (probably around the age of 5 for Cayle) I would love to take him to Disney World or Sea World. I feel like it would be a lot of fun for the both of us. My sister-in-law can get us free tickets to Disney world and probably sea world. So it wouldn't cost an arm and leg...maybe just an arm, haha. But I was thinking every year we go somewhere different. Like one year go to Chicago. The next go to DC. After that Maine. Just wherever.! Maybe even one year when Cayle is old enough we can go to Ireland or somewhere over seas for his birthday. I think he would enjoy it. As much as he loves to ride in the car, I think he would enjoy traveling.

Next Saturday, we are going on a train ride with my cousin and her kids. I'm pretty excited about it. It won't cost anything because her husband works at the rail road. Cayle loves to play with her youngest daughter. I hope he likes it. I'm not sure exactly what this is all about, but it's Christmas themed and it marks another thing off my growing bucket list. I've always wanted to ride on a train.

Rock City is Sunday.!! I can't wait.! This is going to be so much fun.! Also, the Christmas parade is Sunday in my town. Cayle and I will definitely be there. Unfortunately we couldn't go to the Gatlinburg parade. Alliea has to work early tomorrow and needed a good night's sleep. Which is understandable. There's always next year. :)

These are some of the scrapbook stickers I mentioned earlier.