Planning my life.

I can't stop thinking about the future. With 5 months of school left..I don't have time to waste. I need to plan my next move. I'm feeling that my BEST option after passing state board is obviously a job..and as of this moment I want to stay in Chattanooga only long enough to pay off my car...and if at all possible I want to do 2 payments at a time. I want a red or black KIA forte Koup. And I can get it for 9,000 with a 169$ car payment a month. And I think this is a yearly thing that KIA does with their cars so that's when I plan to go for a car. Getting a new car is my number one goal right now. I refuse to move out my house with a bucket of bolts for a car. I am terrified to get out on my own and my car die and then I have no way to get Cayle or myself anywhere. And we struggle. I want more than anything to make it on my own. But after my car is paid for..I want to focus on getting things to fill a home. Or maybe even do that between car payments...I am still on the fence about moving..but after nights like tonight...Knoxville just sounds sweeter and sweeter. I feel like I have 0 freedom. I can't do anything without someone breathing down my neck. I get snapped at whenever I walk in the door at night. I want things I can't have..I'm still treated like I'm 2 and I can't take it. I need an outlet. And I really don't know if I have one. I'm terrified of the future. I'm scared we won't make it on our own. Cayle and myself. And that's the last thing I want. I need a savings account..for future purposes. If I put back 5-20 dollars a week I can have a good bit of cash when it comes time to move out..or to pay for my new car or anything. Why is everything always about money.? Why can't things like this not feel like a bag of bricks on my chest.? I feel like I have to do everything on my own. And to be honest..it has it's perks...but at the same time I feel myself collapse under the weight of the stress. I want to prove everyone wrong. I want to be and do the best I can. I want to give my son everything he needs and most of what he wants. Even if it is just the two of us. I have this picture in my head of how I see my little family. I want a comfortable home for the two of us. A good car that I love and won't have to rely on unreliable people to help me with (i.e. oil changes that i haven't had in 6 months, bald tires that were supposed to be put on a year ago, a check engine light that was supposed to be fixed 2 years ago..etc) And this may sound selfish..and even down right foolish but I am so sick and so tired of the same things just a different day. I am sick of pulling teeth to get any help from anyone. So I just don't ask anymore. I would rather do it all myself. And as far as relationships go..I don't even want one. I would rather be by myself than to listen to some one's crap about how I do things. And if anyone doesn't like it..quite frankly I could care less. I am DONE with everything. I am going to push myself..because obviously nobody is going to do it for me. I come home with a 100% score on my last test in school and I don't even get so much as a 'good job' or a 'way to go' or anything like that. I feel so freaking awful. I would give anything to have my own space to raise Cayle. I would love to be able to have things my way. I would love to be able to even have a family pet if I wanted one without having to ask some one's permission. OR ANYTHING for that matter. I am an adult. I am raising a child. I am NOT a child anymore. But I am an adult treated like a child. And I feel like the only way I am going to have any sort of freedom is to either stand my ground or to move out completely. I just dont know..