I've got my state board test tomorrow morning. I am so nervous!! I feel like no matter how much I study..I'll still fail. Everyone seems to think I can do it though..which is nice. I love that I have people to back me up and support me..but I guess anxiety takes over this time. I'll know immediately if I passed or failed tomorrow after the test. I feel like this is the key to the rest of my life. This test determines so much. If I pass..you better believe that I am treating myself to a HUGE starbucks drink.
With that being said..I mentioned something to my neighbor about wanting to move to Boston..and she told me that she lived in Boston for 6 years..and she loved it! It makes me want to go and move that much more. She told me if I went...I wouldn't want to come back...and she's probably right. She knows how I am. How I want a cooler climate, bigger city, a fresh start. That's exactly what Boston will be for me...a fresh start. And a chance to get away from everything here. I don't talk about this at all..because it's down right silly..but..I'm terrified Cayle's sperm donor will come back and take him from me in the middle of the night..and set my house on fire. And that's part of the reason I am so anxious to move. I want to be where he can't find me..and if I move out of state...he'll never find me. I know its crazy..but I had nightmares about it for the first year and a half of Cayle's life. I would wake up in the middle of the night and go check on him to make sure he was still in his bed. I know. It's stupid. I know he doesn't care. But that's the anxiety problems I have. I feel like my anxiety would ease if I lived somewhere else. Point being. I'm seeing Boston next year no matter what. And if I like it..I'm moving as soon as I possibly can.
Work is going alright. There's been rumors flying around about someone getting fired. I'm terrified. I hope it's just a rumor. I like my job. I think I'll like it even more once I make more money and I'm actually cutting hair.
Pretty soon. I think I'm going to have a yard sale so I can get Cayle some fall and winter clothes and put some more money back for us.
Also...I've decided to pick up crocheting. I'd love to make blankets and scarves. I think it would be really good for my anxiety too. I'm trying to steer clear of anxiety medication..just because I've been on medication for anxiety before...and it didn't work. I've been able to fight through it for a while..but now it's getting unbearable.
I've also decided to start making holiday and seasonal wreaths for fun.
Cayle and I are going to our first Kindermusick class!! I'm so excited. I hope Cayle enjoys it so we can enroll. He needs to be involved in activities with kids his age. He's getting to be a bit of an introvert. Just like me. He's so smart though. He can do anything. Tonight..I'm going to look for lessons for us to do weekly (Thanks to Brittany's weekly lessons with Samantha). I've been motivated to try to do weekly lessons with Cayle. Daddy and I talked a little bit more about Cayle's schooling..and I believe private school will be the right choice for us. I'd give anything to homeschool, but being a single mom..I don't believe that's in the cards for me. Kids younger and younger are bringing guns and crap like that to school. Private school will be safer for him and will teach him much more I believe. I still have time..but if the opportunity is still there..then by all means..I want to take it.
Hey Girl,
ReplyDeleteLet me know how the test goes. I will be thinking about you all day. What time did you say it would be?
That is understandable that you are scared of that. Some people are vengeful, weather he cares about Cayle or not. I am sorry though that you stay so anxious about it. :(
I can't wait to hear how Kindermusik goes. Cayle is a lot like Sam, so I am sure it will help him to have you doing the activities with him. It helped Sam transition into dance, where I would sit in with her, but not do the stuff with her. Also, you mentioned lessons, the books that you get with the supplies will have lessons and activities to do at home with them. For the Milk and Cookies unit, we listened to the CDs, read the recommended books, baked cookies-the recipe was in the book, and then there were some sorting and matching games in the book that went with the theme.