Pride.

Sometimes I need to sit back and think about all the work I've put into building my life and be thankful. I may still have a way to go, but I'm closer today than I was yesterday.

I've graduated college and landed my dream job. That alone is still shocking to this day. Here I am days away from being a licensed professional. The nerves are kicking in. I feel like I'm going to be sick. Someone at board will have their eyes on me the entire time. Scary much? But I can handle anything for 2 hours.

Today I had a cutting class at the Cleveland store taught by a Regis celebrity!!!! This woman is on all of the Regis training DVDs showing step by step immaculate color and cuts! I was so flattered to be taught by her. When the class was over, I shook her hand and thanked her for the class. This woman made my day by saying and I quote "You will be one of the best Regis has seen. I can see it in your eyes". What an honor. After learning from her I hope I can make her proud.

I feel so blessed to have a job that I love so much. With great people. A great environment. With no way to go but up. I take major pride in saying that I work for Regis Salon.

It's not only my job I've been building, but trying to prepare a successful and happy home for both Cayle and myself. Collecting things a little at a time to make sure we won't strike out right off the bat. I have almost everything I need for both my kitchen and bathroom. There are a few things I still need to acquire, but for the most part, I have a huge chunk of it out of the way. Before long it'll be time to save up for living room furniture. And what better time than the time I start making more money?? How exciting.

The point is..I never realized how much work I've put into everything until now. I don't know if it's just the pre jitters for boards that has my head spinning or if going to this class today and learning from the best made it all real that I am getting ahead in the race. That my headstrong personality has finally done some good for me. I don't know. But either way, I'm thankful. For my family. Without them who knows where I would be. For my supportive friends how have pep talked me when I was at a breaking point or came to see me for a hair cut when I needed practice. Thank you all.

Being on a road to success has also gotten me thinking about other things. I've been working my butt off to make sure Cayle has the best possible life and that I am working my hardest every day. But what about adding someone else to the mix? I.e. marriage, dating, casual dating. Whatever it may be. And the more I think about it, the more turned off by the idea of having to deal with someone else. I don't know if that's just the cynic in me or what. But I feel like I've worked too hard to let someone take it from me or try to compromise it. And people may say that the "right person" would never do that. No matter who the person may be, they will compromise my family time with Cayle. Watching him grown up, bonding with him, teaching him, helping him grow in every way a human possibly can is the most precious thing in the world to me. How could I jeopardize that? And my independence. I don't want to have to wait on someone to help pay bills or to ask for "permission" to go do something for myself or to have a pricey family outing or vacation (if bills are paid and everything else is taken care of). I'd rather do it myself. I don't want someone telling me how to raise my son. I don't want someone holding me back from anything. I have no problem with anyone who's all for settling down / already settled down. But I just feel like it's not for me. It kind of sounds like decaf coffee to me...pointless. People will say "You'll die alone with no one to care about you except for Cayle" If that's the case then where did my few supportive friends come from? And Cayle's love to me is more special than anyone else's love. I take pride in being a single mom. I take pride in the demons I've overcome. I take pride in how far I've come. And how far I plan to go. All the way to the top.