I've about had it..

I'm under so much stress lately and today I just lost it. Trying to get everything together for Cayle's birthday isn't going well. I may have all the decorations, but I haven't passed out invites, gotten (or figured out) a big gift for him, figured out what to serve, ordered a cake, finished the blanket I'm working on for him, or worked on his scrapbook in MONTHS. It makes me feel like a pile of garbage.

And today was the last straw for me. My grandmother has been staying with us for the past week since she pretty much got booted out of her own home. She lives with my aunt now but wanted to come visit Cayle. But anyways she had the television blaring today when we got up. And she was trying to talk to me about something but I could not hear. So all I said was (and I quote) "I can't hear you over the t.v." I did not raise my voice. I was not grumpy. I was not rude. And for some reason that offended her so she packed up her things and left. Can someone please tell me what the hell I did that was so bad??

I had to drop Cayle off with my mom later that afternoon so I could go on to work. And apparently she had heard my grandmother's side of the story. Which was that I was yelling at her for having the TV up and that she wasn't trying to talk to me. So that pissed me off (pardon my French here..but I'm at a breaking point) and I just left for work and sat in my car until it was time for my shift. I pretty much just broke down and cried..

I know that I am lucky to have a job at a place so successful..but I feel like my schedule there has taken away a lot.. I work the night shift every night. I don't get home until after 9 every night. But I am on a completely opposite schedule as everyone else. I am home alone every day with Cayle. My friends are at work. My family is at work or school. Then when it's time for me to go in, they are coming home. When I get home everyone is in bed or going to bed..along with Cayle. So needless to say..I never see my friends.. barely see my family..barely see Cayle..that's heartbreaking. I've never felt so isolated.

Building clientele is proving difficult. Not only because it's a matter of getting my name out there..but because the walk-in clients are spread so thinly between me and about 3 or 4 others. And it's about to get thinner. Because my boss just hired another girl. I don't know what the hell she is thinking! Everyone's totals are down (meaning the service sales aren't as much as usual for everyone) so why would you hire someone else?? She has me and two others taking walk in appointments. We never have to turn away walk ins from being too busy so what the hell?! Which also translates to me not making more money any time soon which translates to possibly more time living at home..which I'm about over. I need my own space.

With work taking up all my time..my sad pathetic excuse of a room has gotten too messy. I have no time to clean. I'm too tired after work and waking up early to clean isn't exactly easy with how tired I stay. I am so lethargic it blows my mind. I have to pump coffee, tea, and soda into my system just to make it through the day.

I don't know what's wrong with me..I'm irritable, isolated, and unorganized I suppose..