Reliving Childhood.

When I was little..I worried a lot more than a child should. I always wanted to act older because I was always around older people. But now that I have my beautiful baby boy Cayle I want to relive my childhood while he is experiencing it for the first time. I like to get down on the floor with him while he is on his play mat. I shake his rattles so he'll reach for them and smile. I swing with him at the park. He just smiles and coos. And it makes me feel so happy that I brought that laughter to him. Or I'm the one that made him smile. When he gets older Adam wants to read to him..and Adam doesn't like to read. I want to show him how to draw. Maybe we could play with Play Doh. There are so many things I want to do with Cayle for his childhood and my second [ so to speak.] I feel like it's important to make your child feel like they have someone to be there with them every step of the way. The good. The bad. And the ugly. I've done it all and I won't stop. Cayle has made me a fighter. He made me realize how strong I am. And one day when he's old enough to understand..I want to thank him for it. He saved me. He brought me through it all. And now we're happier. I cant wait to see Cayle experience childhood. I'll make it the best it can possibly be.

hello spring time.

so i turned eighteen thursday. it was a great birthday. i went to lunch with my dad and cayle. every waiter and waitress complimented on how precious he was. dad and i never get to spend much time together. we talked over cheese dip and HUGE burritos. yumm. i decided to start school in august and finish in may. in the mean time i can work. which is what i really want to do. i dont care if its walmart or taco bell. money for my son is whats important. after lunch i spent the day with adam and cayle we watched movies and goofed off. that night we went to dinner and my favorite japanese place. they gave me a pineapple cake. it was pretty awesome. that night adam and i went downtown just to sight see. he has a date planned for me once his new job gets up and rolling. im excited. i really love adam. cayle and adam are the best things to happen to me. and i want them to stick around for a while. im looking forward to everything this year has to offer for the three of us. i got a bunch of movies for my birthday. including the princess and the frog. the love guru. the hunchback of notre dame. and tarzan. im building up a disney collection for cayle so when he gets older he will have them..considering disney does mostly pixar films..i thought he should see the classics first. so far i have about 17 or 18. adams mom gave cayle an easter basket full of things like baby spoons passies and bibs and outfits. i love how open and accepting his family is. theyre wonderful. now i see where adam gets alot of it. i kinda think he has a soft spot for cayle. he calls him his son. he wants to be there for all of cayles milestones. and much longer. all i wanted was for cayle to have a daddy and he does. it makes me so happy. i love him. he completes mine and cayles little family. <3

Bailian Cayle.

Bailian Cayle. You have brought me through so much. I've loved you since I knew you were coming into this world. I cant imagine my life without you. I want more than anything to keep you away from all the things that could hurt you. I want Adam to be beside me watching you grow up. You and I are best friends..when I have no one else..you're always there to cheer me up. Nobody will EVER take you from me. I'll go through hell and back just to make sure you're safe. I'll live for you. I'd die for you. I'd kill for you. I never knew I could love someone as much as I do you. You are my heart. My soul. My own flesh and blood. I will never judge you. You can always come to me with a problem. No matter how big or small. I want you to know you can talk to me. You may only be four and a half months old...but you are the best thing to happen to me. I love when you learn something new..or when you just smile..it melts away all my problems. I love how the simple things like a soft blanket or your favorite teddy bear always make you smile. I love how your first word was mama. It makes me feel like you already know I'll always be here for you. And one day when I'm long gone..I hope you know I still love you. I'm gonna make a good life for us. I'll make sure you get a good education and have a happy family. A mom and a dad that loves you. Adam may not be related to you through blood..but he's taught me that blood doesn't make a father..it's the love and support for a child that makes a daddy. And baby..adam is a daddy to you. He'll be able to teach you all the things I can't. Like how to throw a football..or to wrestle. All the things little boys do. I'll keep my promises. This much is true. I will never ever regret a thing with you. This is a learning experience for both of us. And I'm excited to watch you grow up and experience life to the fullest. I want you to be a simple kind of man. I may be quoting a song here. But thats my song to you. I love you Cayle.

My mama told me when I was young
Said sit beside me my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day
Oh, yeah it will

Oh, take your time, don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
You'll find a woman and you'll find love
And don't forget that there is a someone up above

And be a simple kind of man
And be something you'll love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?
Then you can

Don't get your lust from the rich man's gold
All that you need now is in your soul
And you can do this, oh baby if you try
All that I want from you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
And be something you'll love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?
If you can

Oh, don't you worry, you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this, oh baby if you try
All that I want from you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
Be something you'll love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?
So baby be a simple, be a simple man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?

Soulmates Really Do Happen.

I had always wanted my own fairytale. For the longest..I was fooling myself into thinking I had it. But I had a blessing in disguise. Then I met Adam. I haven't known him for more than four months or so..but that doesn't matter. It's the connection we've shared since day one. From day one all he wanted was to be let in my life. I was scared to death to let anyone in again..or even close enough to touch me. I thought I should just give up. Cinderella stories didn't exist...at least not for me. But was I wrong. Adam went through hell and high water just to be with me. It didn't matter what time it was. I could call him and just talk to him whenever I was lonely or just needed a listening ear. He let me cry on my shoulder. He still does..but I really don't cry much anymore. We shared our first kiss on new years eve. I had never felt that much of a spark from a kiss ever. Adam took the pieces of my heart. Dusted them off. Put them back together. And taught my heart how to love again. I have never felt more at home in anyones arms more than I do his. He knew there was a big responsibility when it came to being with me. His name is Cayle..but you know what..he took it on. He loves Cayle as if he was his own child. Sometimes I catch myself calling him Cayle's daddy. We call him our child..because in a way..it feels to me like Cayle belonged to him all along. I may have fallen fast for Adam. But I like it that way. He's my best friend. My lover. My soul mate. I honestly feel like he's the one I've been needing in my life all along. He's made me feel like soul mates really do happen. When I look at the big picture it makes sense. Usually people meet the ones they want to spend the rest of their life with around the age I am right now. He told me even before we were together that he loved me and that no one could ever love me as much as he does. He swore to make every moment together perfect. And he has. He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. And honestly. I want that more than anything. Soul mates do happen. And Adam Lingle is mine. He proved to me that I deserve my fairy tale. I love falling asleep in his arms. Even though he says I'm a bed hog. Well..he snores. Hehe. But that's what it's about..loving a person for everything they are..not just the things you like about them..its the perfect combination of bed headed mornings and date nights where he dresses up just for me. This is real. This is forever. And I'm sure as hell the happiest I've ever been. I tell everyone that I'm in love. And it's true. As Adam says "This is it baby. You want to know what it's going to be like in ten years.? This is it. Twenty.? This is it. Thirty.? This." My heart has never been happier. Next summer we're getting our place together and from there on out..it'll be Adam, Cayle, and me. My two favorite men in the world..besides my daddy. This is how I always hoped my life would be. I wanted happiness..and I have it. I don't have to ever worry about it going away. My soul mate is here. Adam Lingle. I love you. Far longer than forever. As constant as a star..

Life as of lately.

Recently. Things have taken a turn. I graduated from high school. I'm starting hair school soon. I have a new boyfriend named Adam who takes care of both Cayle and me. Easily said I've fallen fast for him. Before him things were pretty rough. But we won't get into that. Right now I'm focusing on getting into the hair academy. I want to cut hair for a career. I enjoy making people feel better about how they look. Not to mention its always nice to be creative. Cayle is 4 months old as of March 3rd. I will be 18 in less than 2 weeks. I'm actually really excited. For my birthday I want to get a Monroe piercing. I'm turning 18. I have to do something special right.? That's my present from Adam. Adam has been wonderful. He takes good care of both Cayle and me. I honestly feel like he will be my last boyfriend. Sometimes I forget how he's not Cayle's blood father. He treats him just like his own. Cayle loves him. And so do I. He loves to spoil Cayle. He took us to the aquarium one day. I don't think I've seen either of them smile as much as they did on that day. Adam loves to see Cayle's reactions to things. Theyre soo new to Cayle. Adam is part of my little family now. All I want is for Cayle to have a happy family. To have a daddy that can teach him all the things I cant. Adam wants to be that guy. And I want him to be too. I think Cayle's best friend will be my friend Christina's baby girl. She was born the same day as Cayle. Cayle is older by a few minutes. How crazyy.!?!!. She's beautiful. But I believe Cayle's favorite person was and always will be my daddy. Dad and I weren't very close while I was pregnant. But who was by my side coaching my through it all.? Daddy. Who came to see me everyday while we were staying in the hospital.? Daddy. Who was in the room when I got my epidural.? Daddy. Who reconnected with me.? Daddy. We've never been closer. And its all because of Cayle. He brought out the best in everyone. Including me. It was nice having a friend who was pregnant the same time as me. She understood better than my friends who weren't pregnant. But now that I've left school..I hardly talk to anyone from school. And to be honest...I'm perfectly okay with it. True friends stick around. and I've had maybe 3 people try to contact me. One of my friends messages me everyday on my myspace page. Its nice. This weekend is going to be a good one. Tonight is date night with Adam. We're going to pick out some things for our future apartment. Tomorrow night Cayle and I are staying the night with Adam. Its going to be fun.!. Movies. Popcorn. And all three of us cuddling on the couch. <3 can't wait.