Today I took part one of of cosmetology state board test..and...I PASSED with flying colors!! I am going to Knoxville to take the practical exam within the next few weeks and I will be doing hair at my dream job at Regis! I am so excited. To congratulate me my parents took me to dinner at my favorite place..Ichiban! It was a good day over all. That cosmetology license is my ticket to Boston. I can't wait. I couldn't be happier right now. The hard part is over. This next part will be a cake walk. I'm so proud of myself :) I'm almost out of the woods!!
It's nice to have my "me" time back and not have to use it to study late hours of the night.
Now it's time to work on the next goal since this one is close to being completed :)
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 30, 2012
Everything on my mind as of late.
WARNING! THIS POST WILL MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!
I've got my state board test tomorrow morning. I am so nervous!! I feel like no matter how much I study..I'll still fail. Everyone seems to think I can do it though..which is nice. I love that I have people to back me up and support me..but I guess anxiety takes over this time. I'll know immediately if I passed or failed tomorrow after the test. I feel like this is the key to the rest of my life. This test determines so much. If I pass..you better believe that I am treating myself to a HUGE starbucks drink.
With that being said..I mentioned something to my neighbor about wanting to move to Boston..and she told me that she lived in Boston for 6 years..and she loved it! It makes me want to go and move that much more. She told me if I went...I wouldn't want to come back...and she's probably right. She knows how I am. How I want a cooler climate, bigger city, a fresh start. That's exactly what Boston will be for me...a fresh start. And a chance to get away from everything here. I don't talk about this at all..because it's down right silly..but..I'm terrified Cayle's sperm donor will come back and take him from me in the middle of the night..and set my house on fire. And that's part of the reason I am so anxious to move. I want to be where he can't find me..and if I move out of state...he'll never find me. I know its crazy..but I had nightmares about it for the first year and a half of Cayle's life. I would wake up in the middle of the night and go check on him to make sure he was still in his bed. I know. It's stupid. I know he doesn't care. But that's the anxiety problems I have. I feel like my anxiety would ease if I lived somewhere else. Point being. I'm seeing Boston next year no matter what. And if I like it..I'm moving as soon as I possibly can.
Work is going alright. There's been rumors flying around about someone getting fired. I'm terrified. I hope it's just a rumor. I like my job. I think I'll like it even more once I make more money and I'm actually cutting hair.
Pretty soon. I think I'm going to have a yard sale so I can get Cayle some fall and winter clothes and put some more money back for us.
Also...I've decided to pick up crocheting. I'd love to make blankets and scarves. I think it would be really good for my anxiety too. I'm trying to steer clear of anxiety medication..just because I've been on medication for anxiety before...and it didn't work. I've been able to fight through it for a while..but now it's getting unbearable.
I've also decided to start making holiday and seasonal wreaths for fun.
Cayle and I are going to our first Kindermusick class!! I'm so excited. I hope Cayle enjoys it so we can enroll. He needs to be involved in activities with kids his age. He's getting to be a bit of an introvert. Just like me. He's so smart though. He can do anything. Tonight..I'm going to look for lessons for us to do weekly (Thanks to Brittany's weekly lessons with Samantha). I've been motivated to try to do weekly lessons with Cayle. Daddy and I talked a little bit more about Cayle's schooling..and I believe private school will be the right choice for us. I'd give anything to homeschool, but being a single mom..I don't believe that's in the cards for me. Kids younger and younger are bringing guns and crap like that to school. Private school will be safer for him and will teach him much more I believe. I still have time..but if the opportunity is still there..then by all means..I want to take it.
I've got my state board test tomorrow morning. I am so nervous!! I feel like no matter how much I study..I'll still fail. Everyone seems to think I can do it though..which is nice. I love that I have people to back me up and support me..but I guess anxiety takes over this time. I'll know immediately if I passed or failed tomorrow after the test. I feel like this is the key to the rest of my life. This test determines so much. If I pass..you better believe that I am treating myself to a HUGE starbucks drink.
With that being said..I mentioned something to my neighbor about wanting to move to Boston..and she told me that she lived in Boston for 6 years..and she loved it! It makes me want to go and move that much more. She told me if I went...I wouldn't want to come back...and she's probably right. She knows how I am. How I want a cooler climate, bigger city, a fresh start. That's exactly what Boston will be for me...a fresh start. And a chance to get away from everything here. I don't talk about this at all..because it's down right silly..but..I'm terrified Cayle's sperm donor will come back and take him from me in the middle of the night..and set my house on fire. And that's part of the reason I am so anxious to move. I want to be where he can't find me..and if I move out of state...he'll never find me. I know its crazy..but I had nightmares about it for the first year and a half of Cayle's life. I would wake up in the middle of the night and go check on him to make sure he was still in his bed. I know. It's stupid. I know he doesn't care. But that's the anxiety problems I have. I feel like my anxiety would ease if I lived somewhere else. Point being. I'm seeing Boston next year no matter what. And if I like it..I'm moving as soon as I possibly can.
Work is going alright. There's been rumors flying around about someone getting fired. I'm terrified. I hope it's just a rumor. I like my job. I think I'll like it even more once I make more money and I'm actually cutting hair.
Pretty soon. I think I'm going to have a yard sale so I can get Cayle some fall and winter clothes and put some more money back for us.
Also...I've decided to pick up crocheting. I'd love to make blankets and scarves. I think it would be really good for my anxiety too. I'm trying to steer clear of anxiety medication..just because I've been on medication for anxiety before...and it didn't work. I've been able to fight through it for a while..but now it's getting unbearable.
I've also decided to start making holiday and seasonal wreaths for fun.
Cayle and I are going to our first Kindermusick class!! I'm so excited. I hope Cayle enjoys it so we can enroll. He needs to be involved in activities with kids his age. He's getting to be a bit of an introvert. Just like me. He's so smart though. He can do anything. Tonight..I'm going to look for lessons for us to do weekly (Thanks to Brittany's weekly lessons with Samantha). I've been motivated to try to do weekly lessons with Cayle. Daddy and I talked a little bit more about Cayle's schooling..and I believe private school will be the right choice for us. I'd give anything to homeschool, but being a single mom..I don't believe that's in the cards for me. Kids younger and younger are bringing guns and crap like that to school. Private school will be safer for him and will teach him much more I believe. I still have time..but if the opportunity is still there..then by all means..I want to take it.
Monday, July 23, 2012
A constant reminder to stay positive.
I got my first tattoo last night. And I couldn't be happier with it. I got the idea from the movie "The Crow". Whenever something was bad the main character would always say..'It can't rain all the time' And it stuck with me..because it's true. Things can't be bad all the time. And you have to fight through it.
As far as the pain..it wasn't too bad. Some parts were uncomfortable, but nothing that's unbearable. If I was talking or distracted with music or my phone I was fine. The word "It" probably was the most painful. I definitely want more tattoos. Not any time soon. But eventually.
Cayle is having loads of fun at the beach. I miss him so much!! I talk to him every day and I get pictures. They'll be home on Saturday. I'm using this time to study for Boards.
This is my tattoo right after he finished. I didn't bleed or anything!
As far as the pain..it wasn't too bad. Some parts were uncomfortable, but nothing that's unbearable. If I was talking or distracted with music or my phone I was fine. The word "It" probably was the most painful. I definitely want more tattoos. Not any time soon. But eventually.
Cayle is having loads of fun at the beach. I miss him so much!! I talk to him every day and I get pictures. They'll be home on Saturday. I'm using this time to study for Boards.
This is my tattoo right after he finished. I didn't bleed or anything!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
I've given it a lot of thought...
And I think when I'm able..I want to leave Chattanooga. Pick up and leave. I don't know where to exactly, but I don't think I will ever be truly happy until I do. Ultimately, I have my heart set on visiting Boston next year to see what it is that I am so intrigued with. For years I have wanted to live in a bigger city with lost of snow and people. But why Boston? I don't know. I guess it's just something I have to find out. I get a weeks paid vacation next year and I want to plan a trip there. Whether or not I can is still uncertain. If I can move out by the time I want to, I think I can do anything.
Chattanooga isn't for me. I've definitely outgrown it here. And every day that goes by I feel like I'm carrying the weight of this town and everything that's happened to me on my back. It's getting unbearable now. I wake up every single day feeling completely stuck. And nobody really believes me when I tell them how much I hate it here and how ready I am to leave. I'm not trying to complain or rant and rave but I need the freedom of a fresh start. And the long I'm here the chances of me making it out of Chattanooga are slimming down. It's suffocating. I'm getting out of Chattanooga..one way or the other.
Here's to planning my trip to Boston to see what my heart's missing...because it's obviously missing something..
Chattanooga isn't for me. I've definitely outgrown it here. And every day that goes by I feel like I'm carrying the weight of this town and everything that's happened to me on my back. It's getting unbearable now. I wake up every single day feeling completely stuck. And nobody really believes me when I tell them how much I hate it here and how ready I am to leave. I'm not trying to complain or rant and rave but I need the freedom of a fresh start. And the long I'm here the chances of me making it out of Chattanooga are slimming down. It's suffocating. I'm getting out of Chattanooga..one way or the other.
Here's to planning my trip to Boston to see what my heart's missing...because it's obviously missing something..
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Happy Fourth!!
Today was a really lazy day to be perfectly honest. We ate ribs and BBQ and laid around the house. Cayle went swimming and I took pictures of him. Around 6 ish Cayle and I played with sparklers and poppers waiting for it to get dark. And late tonight we shot off a bunch of fireworks. And I got to mark an item off my bucket list by lighting a firework myself!! Cayle really seemed to like the colors and lights, but he didn't care too much for the explosion part of it. He sat in my lap with his ears covered. And a bottle rocket misfired and almost hit me. That's one way to 'see the light'.
An update. I'm taking my State Board Exams July 31st. I'm scared to death. I'm also getting 8 extra hours on my check next week by covering a shift for the other receptionist. Lord knows I need the money. I need the help. I also set up Cayle's toddler bed to try to get him used to it for when it's time to switch. He's trying to climb out occasionally. Daddy and I were also talking about Cayle getting ready for school today..and he said he needs to go to a private school. I told him there was no way in hell I could afford that. He offered to pay for it. I don't know how I feel about all that. I'm the mom I should pay for Cayle's wants and needs. That I didn't want to end up like my dead beat sister (which apparently my words of wisdom didn't hit home because she's still doing the same crap). I don't know. I have a while to think about it. So I guess we'll see..I also got some more house stuff last week. I also had a gift card to Khols and stepped out of my comfort zone majorly and bought a summer dress. First time I've worn anything but jeans during Summer in a very long time.
An update. I'm taking my State Board Exams July 31st. I'm scared to death. I'm also getting 8 extra hours on my check next week by covering a shift for the other receptionist. Lord knows I need the money. I need the help. I also set up Cayle's toddler bed to try to get him used to it for when it's time to switch. He's trying to climb out occasionally. Daddy and I were also talking about Cayle getting ready for school today..and he said he needs to go to a private school. I told him there was no way in hell I could afford that. He offered to pay for it. I don't know how I feel about all that. I'm the mom I should pay for Cayle's wants and needs. That I didn't want to end up like my dead beat sister (which apparently my words of wisdom didn't hit home because she's still doing the same crap). I don't know. I have a while to think about it. So I guess we'll see..I also got some more house stuff last week. I also had a gift card to Khols and stepped out of my comfort zone majorly and bought a summer dress. First time I've worn anything but jeans during Summer in a very long time.
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