Happy Halloween Everyone.!!

This Halloween was so great.! Cayle looked so good in his costume. I am so proud of him. He had so much fun trick or treating. We went to a big trunk or treat by my house and it filled up our bucket.! He ate a sucker and that lasted him most of the night so luckily he didn't get too hyped up on candy. And he doesnt like anything gummy so I get to eat those. The perks of being a mommy to a picky eater. ;) We went around my neighborhood and got candy and came home. All together we trick or treated for almost 2 hours. But I got some good pictures and I get to finish my scrapbook tonight. This first scrapbook shows Cayle from birth to age 2. And this new one I've started will pick up on his birthday. So it'll be kind of like a story book. I am displaying it at his party so everyone can see. I've got a feeling this is going to be a great week. :)


The Best Halloween Yet.!




Waiting to go through trunk or treat.





My Little Frankenstein.






I LOVE this picture.

We carved our pumpkin.!

I picked the template from familyfun.go.com. Daddy carved the pumpkin. Cayle played in the pumpkin guts. I can't wait to take him trick-or-treating.! He's gonna look so so cute in his costume. I can't wait to take pictures. Here are some pictures of us carving the pumpkin.!


Happy Halloween Kitty.!



Our finished pumpkin.



Daddy <3.



Daddy and Cayle.


The little man and me :)

I can't believe..

My baby boy will be two in a few days. It just hasn't hit me yet. Here lately, we've been closer than ever. The other day, all he wanted to do was sit with me. And it melted my heart. I am super excited to take him trick or treating. I love being a single mom.! I love being able to do things my way when it comes to Cayle. I love being able to take him somewhere and it just be us spending time together. I love having the money to take him places and do things with him. I love the feeling of us being our own family. No one else telling me what to do or how to raise him. You know.? I can't stop thinking about Christmas time. I am so excited to wrap gifts and to find things I know Cayle will love, to bake, send cards, and go to a parade.! I am dying to take Cayle to a parade. I really think he will enjoy it. I've even started the hunt for the perfect ornament to get him. I would love for us to get ornaments made this year. We don't have any ornaments for just the 2 of us. And I want one. And a special one for him with his name on it. And his own Christmas ornament. To put on his tree when he gets his own home. Mom has finally told me what she would like to have for Christmas. She wants an empty photo album she has filled with pictures of Cayle. That is easy to do. :) Dad wants a food chopper. That shouldn't be too hard. There's a picture of Cayle he wants so I may throw that in with his gift since I would like to throw a surprise gift in with my mom's gift too. My brother wants the movie Insidious. So that's easy too. Black Friday is going to be a breeze this year. As long as I don't have an incident like last year. I got dad a waffle iron. Apparently, he had told 3 other people he wanted one. He ended up with 4 and I had to switch his gift last minute. I almost couldn't find anything to get him. So it should go fairly well. We will see. Next weekend is Cayle's party. I can't wait to start preparing for it. I have all the party supplies. I just want to throw it all together and see what Cayle thinks. My parents dont seem to understand why I don't want to wait until his part to let him open the gifts I got him. It's his birthday. It's his day. I am letting him open my presents on HIS day. I want his birthday to be as special as possible. I know he's only going to be 2 and won't remember it, but it's not about later..it's about now. Children may not remember every adventure you go on or every holiday or birthday, but they will remember how you make them feel. And I want my baby to know every single day that he is loved. And will always have my heart.

I've been thinking a lot about moving to Knoxville. And I am about 99% sure that's what I want for us. I've thought about it being more of a long-term goal to make it there. I saw some apartments in Ooltewah. And I really like the location. And if it's affordable and I can get a decent salon job there or in a surrounding area, I think I may stick around for a while. But to be 100% honest, Chattanooga just doesn't make me happy anymore. It's not the people it's not anything specific. I just feel like there's more out there for Cayle and myself and I'm not going to do either one of us a favor if I don't find out. I dunno. That's another topic for another day. :)

Bring on the holidays.!

Jack-o-lantern for Nanny.

My grandmother hasn't been one to get excited about the holidays since my grandfather passed about 4 years ago. And it really breaks my heart. So I decided for Cayle and I to try to cheer her up my carving her a pumpkin. I had never carved a pumpkin before, but I gave it a full hearted effort. I think he turned out alright. Cayle really enjoyed helping me. He played with the pumpkin guts. And tried to help me hollow out the pumpkin. It was sooo slimy.!! Ew. But so worth it. My grandmother loved it. I think it cheered her up some.

Scrapbooking..and Life. :)

It's crazy how relaxing and motivational scrapbooking is for me. I guess because I scrapbook mine and Cayle's family things. I use these stickers from Jolee's Boutique and they have stickers for everything.! From baby's first steps to wedding days. There is literally anything you can think of. But I went to Michael's Craft store today to get some individual pieces of card stock for Cayle's age 2 scrapbook and it was on sale.! I got 4 pieces for a dollar. And since I only do one or two pages a month it worked out great.! But for some reason it got me to thinking about us being our own family. Being on our own and doing this for real. And I thought about where I'd like for us to live..and what it would be like to do our yearly traditions and our day to day lives. How scrap booking got me to thinking about this I have no idea. But I've really thought about it. My overall dream is to live in Knoxville with Cayle. But I think it would be easier to do so once Cayle started school. That way I could work while he was at school. And I wouldn't have to rely so much on daycare. But as for now..I've been thinking about places around here I like. And there was one apartment complex I really liked on the other side of the river. My ex lived there for some time while we were dating. I really liked how it was set up. It was very spacious. Rent was 645 a month for 2 bedrooms with free Internet and water was included. It had the potential to be very homey. The only problem..I try to avoid that side of town now for obvious reasons. There is a salon everywhere you turn over there. Which seems pretty convenient. I just don't know how I'm going to do it on my own. I will do my best to make my dreams a reality. I have definitely made up my mind about Knoxville. And I am Knoxville bound. How soon.? I don't know. But it will happen. I'm very content for the moment. School is coming to a close (400-ish hours left.!). I'll be ready to get a new car soon. I can't wait for that. I'm gonna make it a point to save up at least 3 months worth of rent before moving out just so if I ever get in a bind I will have the emergency money there you know.? I picture Cayle and me in a comfortable home. Me with my Kia forte. Our family dog a boston terrier named Kermit. Happy. And the more I think about it, the more I see it as a reality. And it will happen. I didn't bust my butt this long for nothing. My hard work is going to pay off.

A birthday and Christmas post.

Okay. I've really been planning out my christmas shopping. And I have what I want to get everyone planned out. But first, I want to talk about Cayle's birthday. I can't believe he will be two next week. Its bitter sweet. My parents got him a race along chuck. He talks and races with you. And they got him a dvd of Caillou. Some episodes of that drive me up a wall because he acts like such a BRAT but others aren't so bad. And it occupies Cayle long enough for me to clean the house everyday. I wrapped those gifts plus the four I got him. I got him a toy box, a tonka race track, weebles, and a bug pop up book. I want him to open the ones from me on his birthday. I'm not sure if my parents want him to wait until his party or not to open theirs. But we will see. I cannot wait until his party.! It's going to be a lot of fun. I also cannot WAIT to put Cayle in his Halloween costume and take him trick or treating. Below are some pictures of his birthday presents.




This is the DVD they got him.





This is the race along chuck tonka truck.


Now it's tome to talk about CHRISTMAS.!!! I went to Walmart today to get some price ideas on the things I wanted to get Cayle for Christmas. And I made a list of the items I wanted to get him. The list is

*Thomas the tank engine train set*
Mr. Potato head
Play Dough
Color Wonder
Bath Crayons
Rubber Ducks
Books
Movies
Hot Wheels (stocking stuffer)
Christmas ornament
crayons
coloring books
magnet doodle board
clothes
Training potty
new tooth brush (stocking)

It seems like a lot, but I can get almost all of it for 120 dollars. Which isn't much when you talk about Christmas. I plan to go after this stuff on Black Friday. I won't get all of it, but I will get the more pricey stuff and everyone else's gift. Daddy wants a food chopper. My brother wants a movie. I have bath and body works stuff for Mom. I have more people on my list but their gifts I'll know when I see them you know.? I cannot wait for Christmas.! I wish I could do a Christmas ornament exchange or something. I think that would be a lot of fun. But I can't think of a place or people who would do it. It's more fun with a lot of people. Maybe I just gave people an idea for their Christmas.

I have a lot of fun planned for Christmas. Mostly cooking, baking, and crafts. But I plan to have ornaments made for Cayle and me. And one for him. And I want to get him an ornament just to have for when he has a home of his own. He will have them. If money allows, I would love for us to have a portrait together. I want to decorate. I want to give to the less fortunate so they can have a Christmas too. Kay and I have planned a trip to the enchanted garden of lights sometime in December. I'm not sure when, but we are really excited. There are a couple parades around here for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Cayle and I will be attending both. I think he will enjoy it. He loves to wave at people and eat candy so it'll be great.

I'm really excited to be able to have our own little family traditions. Things like our craft time and ornaments. I want that to go on. And I hope one day it will. Cayle truly is my best friend. We do everything together. And he makes me happy. And I love him with all my heart. I'm happy to be able to do these things with him. And I'll be honest. I'm happy and proud to be a single mom. As long as I have a few good friends who I can confide in, my baby, and my family. I don't need anyone else. I feel like Cayle and I can do more together when it's just the two of us. From traditions to seasonal festivities to just being lazy together. I enjoy every minute of it. And I hope no matter how old Cayle gets he'll still be my best friend and still want to do things with me around the holidays or for no reason at all.





This is the train track I want to get Cayle for Christmas.

Our visit to the pumpkin patch.!

What a fantastic day.! We plan to go back next year.! Cayle had a lot of fun until he got tired and hungry. I can't wait to print these off.!

It's the weekend. Time for Fun.

Tonight was a great night.! I got Tokyo Express with Alliea and Cayle. It was great. I've been craving it for a week now. I haven't seen Alliea in forever.!! Cayle was so happy to be out and about. I'm so happy I can take him with me places and he enjoy going...most of the time. I had to take a pair of jeans back to walmart tonight so I got leggings and a new top instead.! And I felt so beautiful when I tried on my new clothes and I can't wait to wear them to school. They make me look professional, but they're so comfortable, I felt like I was in pjs.! I got the last little bit of Cayle's birthday stuff (napkins and play dough for the treat bags). I am ready for his party. I have to get the food though, but my parents have offered to pay for that. And his portraits. Whatever we do on his birthday is up to me and I have decided a mother & son's day out. I am cooking him a nice breakfast that morning. Then we are going to get our pictures taken at the Jc Pennies portrait studio, a quick stop to see Daddy at his office, and off to the Creative discovery museum.! Afterwards we'll probably do a birthday dinner and a dessert from Gigi's cupcakes. And somewhere in between all of that I'll throw in a visit to the playground. I also plan to let him open his gifts from me on his birthday. I got him weebles, a pop up book, a tonka race track, and a toy box. I can't wait to see his face.!

Tomorrow, Alliea, Cayle, and I are going to Guthrie's Pumpkin Farm. I've heard great things and I really think Cayle will enjoy it. He had a BLAST in the corn maze at Rock City so this should be a fun day. I will be sure to post pictures. Speaking of pictures..I got the pictures I ordered off of the Walmart website today. I love the way they turned out. I am addicted to pictures. I also took pictures of Cayle on our Fall display outside. I posted them earlier. Let me know what you think.! Tomorrow is going to be great.!

Fall Photos post.

Last year, I started taking pictures of Cayle sitting on our Fall display outside. I decided to follow up with this year. So here they are.! I plan to order these, his halloween, birthday, and winter pictures all at the same time. I'm very pleased with the outcome. I'll post last year's below this year's. Just because I don't have a Facebook and you can't see those anymore.

Christmas traditions list.!

Prepare yourself. This is a long list.

- Black Friday

- Opening 1 present Christmas eve. And the present always being Christmas pjs.

- Cayle and I getting ornaments made every year and I get him one so he will have them when he has a home of his own.

- Rock City enchanted garden of lights.

- Christmas portraits.

- Candy cane reindeer craft.

- Popsicle stick reindeer craft.

- Gift baskets for family and friends.

- The night before Christmas story every Christmas eve.

- Hand print Santa's and reindeer.

- Decorating the tree together.

- Christmas dinner.

- Picture with Santa. (this one makes me nervous)

- Toy Drive donation.

- Christmas party (when he gets older and I have a place for parties)

- making homemade cookies for santa on Christmas eve.

- Christmas parade

- gingerbread house making

- Hand print wreaths.

- homemade hot chocolate

- Christmas countdown.

- pretzel snowmen.

- Christmas for kids (a thing my dad's work does for less fortunate children)

- Drive around and look at Christmas lights.

- building a snowman (whenever there is snow that is)

- Food drive

- Our own Santa hats. :D

- Decorating our entire home. (by entire I mean it.)

- Donate at least a few dollars to the salvation army.

This list will grow. I swear.

Almost All Organized.!

I did it.! I cleaned out my trunk. And yes, it was worthy of before and after photos. That's one less thing I have to worry about. You know..half of that stuff I pulled out of my trunk wasn't even MINE. Ughh. Most of it was trash. But who cares.? It's clean. I also decided to post a picture of Grace's birthday gift. I got it 15.00 off.!! It was marked wrong but they decided to give it to me for the price it was marked. So I hope she likes it.! I've bought everything needed for Cayle's birthday party about 90% of the invitations have gone out. I hope people actually show up. I put in a lot of work for this party and I really want it to be admired. I'm really excited to get Cayle's portraits done. And I'm even more excited to have a few together. I already know what I want to wear and what I want him to wear and everything. It's going to be great.! I've also been considering doing Christmas portraits this year. If I can afford it. Which I don't see why I couldn't. With me not having to go back and forth to redbank and soddy every week I save a lot as far as gas and gas money goes which means I can afford to do more with Cayle and that makes me feel great. In example, this weekend we are going to Guthrie's pumpkin farm.! Oh I can't wait.! This is a legit pumpkin patch. The ones around here are mediocre and I've been hunting for a real one for a while. And now we can go.! I am so thrilled.! Next weekend we will go to Grace's birthday party and a Halloween event that the park by my house is hosting. I'm not too sure what it's about but I guess we will find out. I'm assuming they're doing trick-or-treating on Monday night. I haven't heard otherwise. And a couple of the churches around here are hosting a trunk-or-treat. So I guess we will go to that. I'm very excited to see how Cayle does with trick or treating this year. He was barely 1 year old last year when it was time for Halloween. This is truly the most wonderful time of year. As far as Thanksgiving, I am having a difficult time finding Cayle a Thanksgiving shirt. I always get him a shirt for every holiday and I can't seem to find a Thanksgiving one. I'll have to try the mall or Target or somewhere. But if anything...we can make one with a hand print turkey. What do you think.? I will post a solidified list of the Christmas traditions soon. Cayle and I have ALMOST done every Fall one I came up with. We need to make an apple recipe, hand print turkeys, and the pumpkin patch and my Autumn tradition list will be completed.! And we will repeat them next year.! I love this time of year. It makes me so thankful and happy. I am truly blessed.

I need to get organized.!!

Lol..let me just start by saying I am generally a very very clean person. But the trunk of my car...let's just say is an entirely different story. I have way too much JUNK in there that's not even mine.! And I want to feel like I have a fairly decent car. So tomorrow...I am excavating. No kidding. If not tomorrow..sometime this week. I will need my trunk space before too long. For birthday and Christmas gifts. We've been in the process of making me space downstairs to make it more like my own apartment more so than my 'room'. Which is good for me. We made a closet/ dressing room down here for me. Before long I'll have my own mini fridge and stuff. Once we get the rest of the stuff cleared out of here. But I am excited to have my own space. As close to my own apartment as I can get right now. But before too long..that will be a reality and I can't wait. But I am motivated. And I will clean out my trunk. I know this is such a random post but it has been on my mind for about 2 weeks now.! Wish me luck. This trunk is like a black hole. Hahaha.

Our Day In The Corn Maze.!

Wow.! What a fantastic day.! Cayle, Kay, and I went to the enchanted corn maze in Rock City. I haven't had that much fun in a while. Although the attraction wasn't stroller friendly it was a success. Cayle was our guide through the maze. I have never seen this kid so excited to wander aimlessly. We were in the maze for what felt like a good 45 minutes. But that was okay with us. They had platforms in the maze and we got to climb up on them to see where we were in the maze. It was really fun. After the maze, we decided to go on a hay ride.! Cayle was in awe. He had never experienced anything quite like this. And to be honest, as much as I love Fall and Winter, I have never been to a corn maze or on a hay ride before. So it was a great first for the both of us. After the hay ride we painted a pumpkin. He was so into it. And he even held the paint brush the right way. He's an artist like his mommy.! We ate fried oreos and went through the smaller maze. After a while Cayle was getting tired so we called it a day as far as the maze was concerned. Afterwards, we went to Amigo's and ate lunch. Kay showed me pictures from her honeymoon in the Smokies. She was happy to be home though. We walked around hobby lobby for a bit. And she got some early Christmas decorations for her new house. Which she will hopefully be able to move into soon. All in all, it was a great day.! Kay gave me a thank you card for helping so much with the wedding. It had 30$ in it. I really wasn't expecting anything like that, but I am thankful for it. She is so sweet to have a brother who is evil.! Hahah.

In December, Kay and I are planning another trip to Rock City to see the Christmas lights.! I can't wait. I'm sure Cayle will love to see that. He will love the colors.

Next on my list of Fall traditions is a pumpkin patch. I have had the hardest time finding one anywhere.! There are several mediocre ones around here, but I want to go to a real one. And tonight I was asking Daddy where one was, and he had no clue. And about that time a commercial comes on TV for the Tennessee pumpkin farm. There's a petting zoo, hay rides, and more.! It's in Riceville. I'm not quite familiar with that area, but I want Cayle and me to go. I just don't know if I can find anyone to go with me. It's free to kids under age 5. Which is awesome.! So I guess next stop, Riceville, Tn.

We're ready for ghosts and goblins on Halloween night.!

Today was overall, a great day. Minus the fact my ex is still being a well... !@#$%^&*. Daddy finally got new tires put on my car. And it feels so much better driving. And I feel a little safer in my car now. I got paid a little extra this week since I did extra work. So I went and got Cayle his halloween costume. He's going to be frankenstein. He seemed to really like it.! I'm excited. We even got his pail for candy and treats. I'm glad Cayle is a little older this year so he can get excited about getting candy. Can you believe he will be 2 in just 3 weeks.?? I can't. The older he gets..the more it makes me want more babies..well..maybe just one more. And if it were to happen and I did have another (later down the road of course) I would want to enjoy it and not be so stressed out as I was last time. It made it hard to enjoy being pregnant when everything around me was falling apart. But thats another day and another story I suppose.

Tomorrow, Cayle, Kay, and I are heading to Rock City for the corn maze.! I am super excited. We're going to try to go in the morning before it gets too too hot. I will be sure to take tons of pictures. Also, if we bring on plastic bottle we get a dollar off admission to the maze.!

This is a potential family tradition for Cayle and me. Before long it'll be time for handprint turkeys and what not. I love this time of year. I've also decided that for Thanksgiving and Christmas, Cayle and I are going to participate in a donation drive. For Thanksgiving I thought we could donate some canned goods for the less fortunate. I want Cayle to really understand the meaning behind it and continue to give back when he gets older and has a family of his own (in the far far far future lol). For Christmas, I would love for us to buy a toy and donate it to a toy drive. Those could be great family traditions. And every year, I want to get us a family ornament and him his own special ornament like a snowman or his name on an ornament so he will have them always. I'm all about the family traditions with him. I'm thinking about attempting to make rice krispie treats for halloween with him. Maybe in the shape of pumpkins and ghosts. He's my baby. And I want him to remember this kind of thing. I have a whole list of stuff for us to do together this wonderful time of year.!

Can't wait for tomorrow. Oh I can't wait.!

Halloween Art Work.!

Today I thought Cayle and I would do another arts and crafts day for Halloween. We got these pictures from familyfun.go.com. I'm sure you can guess whose is whose. This weekend I am getting Cayle's halloween costume. He's going to be Frankenstein. I'd rather get a costume from a store rather than online. There's no telling if it will fit or not. So we'll go with frankenstein. :) This weekend Kay and I are taking Cayle to the corn maze in Rock City. I am so so so excited. I'm done with school for the week and I get paid extra this week. Looks like its gonna be a good weekend.

You know...I really wish it was cold enough for hoodies and boots every day.!! But its still 80 degrees outside. In the middle of October..really.?!?!

A post about school.

Guess who has less than 500 hours left of school.?! ME ME ME ME.!!! I never thought I would see the day. I'll be done by spring. Oh hallelujah.!! This makes my goals and dreams that much more real. Business has been pretty slow..but I did do two hair cuts today on my friend and her ex boyfriend. They turned out great.! I'm truly developing my skills and getting my footing in the field and I couldn't be more proud of myself. There have been so many times where I have wanted to quit and do a 6 week course in something I really didn't care about just so I wouldn't have to go to school anymore, but I've stuck to it and here I am so close to graduating college. I am really happy. And when it's all over I am gonna put myself in a brand new car and high tail it to Knoxville (possibly..about 75% chance). I made another 100% score on my test tonight. I'm proud of myself. School is almost over. I'll be living my dream before I know it. And in the process I'm gonna make Cayle proud. I'll be a college graduate by the time I'm 20. A licensed cosmetologist by the time I'm 20. How awesome is that.? I'll tell you one thing...a vacation to the mountains sounds amazing right now. I need to leave Chattanooga behind for a few days. I'm stressing out a bit. But it's all minor. I'm going to open a bank account after the first of the year. I found a way to work 2 jobs and still have time for Cayle. I'll keep the job I have now and work in a hair salon. That way I can save/pay off my car a little faster. And I can save money for my move to Knoxville. I can't wait. My life is really about to unfold..and Cayle and I can be a family..for real.

Birthday shopping. Hair cut. And Wedding Rehearsal

Wow...what a crazy crazy crazy day. I went to a brunch at my mom's office for her birthday (her birthday is Sunday). There was a ton of food. And I ate all healthy stuff. Fruit and bagels. I got paid. And we went to Walmart. I got Cayle's toy box, the helium tank, my mom's birthday gift, and I filled up my car with gas. And still have money left over.! Which I plan to put back for black Friday. I have my route planned out and everything. I have this thing down to a science. Cayle got his hair cut today. He actually did better than expected. He did cry a little but it was understandable. The hair cut was free since it was his first one in a hair salon. Can't argue with that. The lady at Great Clips did a great job and was very patient. I also scheduled Cayle's portraits at Jc Pennies.! I am very excited. Cayle and I are going to have a few together. So we'll have a family portrait. I am so excited. I've heard so many good things about them. So hopefully they turn out good.

Tonight was Kay's wedding rehearsal. That was so nerve wracking. My ex is in it too. I didn't even look his way. But I was told he wouldn't stop looking my way. He didn't try to talk to me or anything. But he sent a txt saying 'it was good seeing you again'. It felt like pins and needles were being pushed into my heart. I hate when things like this happen. It's broken..and it's broken beyond repair. He hurt me way too bad. I can't forgive him. And I would be a fool to do so. I can't wait for this wedding to be over. So I can move on...

Planning my life.

I can't stop thinking about the future. With 5 months of school left..I don't have time to waste. I need to plan my next move. I'm feeling that my BEST option after passing state board is obviously a job..and as of this moment I want to stay in Chattanooga only long enough to pay off my car...and if at all possible I want to do 2 payments at a time. I want a red or black KIA forte Koup. And I can get it for 9,000 with a 169$ car payment a month. And I think this is a yearly thing that KIA does with their cars so that's when I plan to go for a car. Getting a new car is my number one goal right now. I refuse to move out my house with a bucket of bolts for a car. I am terrified to get out on my own and my car die and then I have no way to get Cayle or myself anywhere. And we struggle. I want more than anything to make it on my own. But after my car is paid for..I want to focus on getting things to fill a home. Or maybe even do that between car payments...I am still on the fence about moving..but after nights like tonight...Knoxville just sounds sweeter and sweeter. I feel like I have 0 freedom. I can't do anything without someone breathing down my neck. I get snapped at whenever I walk in the door at night. I want things I can't have..I'm still treated like I'm 2 and I can't take it. I need an outlet. And I really don't know if I have one. I'm terrified of the future. I'm scared we won't make it on our own. Cayle and myself. And that's the last thing I want. I need a savings account..for future purposes. If I put back 5-20 dollars a week I can have a good bit of cash when it comes time to move out..or to pay for my new car or anything. Why is everything always about money.? Why can't things like this not feel like a bag of bricks on my chest.? I feel like I have to do everything on my own. And to be honest..it has it's perks...but at the same time I feel myself collapse under the weight of the stress. I want to prove everyone wrong. I want to be and do the best I can. I want to give my son everything he needs and most of what he wants. Even if it is just the two of us. I have this picture in my head of how I see my little family. I want a comfortable home for the two of us. A good car that I love and won't have to rely on unreliable people to help me with (i.e. oil changes that i haven't had in 6 months, bald tires that were supposed to be put on a year ago, a check engine light that was supposed to be fixed 2 years ago..etc) And this may sound selfish..and even down right foolish but I am so sick and so tired of the same things just a different day. I am sick of pulling teeth to get any help from anyone. So I just don't ask anymore. I would rather do it all myself. And as far as relationships go..I don't even want one. I would rather be by myself than to listen to some one's crap about how I do things. And if anyone doesn't like it..quite frankly I could care less. I am DONE with everything. I am going to push myself..because obviously nobody is going to do it for me. I come home with a 100% score on my last test in school and I don't even get so much as a 'good job' or a 'way to go' or anything like that. I feel so freaking awful. I would give anything to have my own space to raise Cayle. I would love to be able to have things my way. I would love to be able to even have a family pet if I wanted one without having to ask some one's permission. OR ANYTHING for that matter. I am an adult. I am raising a child. I am NOT a child anymore. But I am an adult treated like a child. And I feel like the only way I am going to have any sort of freedom is to either stand my ground or to move out completely. I just dont know..